It’s 8:30 am and you walk through the door.
It’s been 24 hours since we’ve seen you. All four of the kids are jacked up on breakfast and wildly excited to see their daddy. We used to be better about immediately greeting each other when you came home from work. We were intentional. These days it’s more challenging…I typically have a baby on each hip and I’m in the middle of reheating my first cup of coffee for the 7th time as you get home.
This life we’ve created together is chaotic. We are smack dab in the middle of the most physically demanding period we will probably ever be in. An assembly line of fixing plates and nightly baths.
I’ve always been crazy about you. Fell in love with your kindness, selflessness, your love for the Lord. Your goofy sense of humor and your ease at keeping me laughing. You’re the hardest working man I know, even when you’re sick or hurting. Life is just fun with you. And I know it might not seem this way, but you’re still my favorite. My number one.
I recognize it’s different now. My hair used to be brushed daily and I always had makeup on. My nails were painted and my clothes weren’t covered in bits and pieces of the kids food and used to wipe noses. We used to stay up till 2am playing super Mario on the wii and sleep till 10 the next morning. We wanted to be parents one day, but we enjoyed one other. We travelled, ate out Mexican on week nights, spontaneously went to see a movie, and did pretty much whatever we wanted.
The Lord allowed us to go down many different roads together before we became Daddy and Mama. Lots of highs and lots of lows. Some roads we traveled that I wish we could untravel, though they strengthened us as a couple. I believe it was all meant to knit us together in a way that we couldn’t be shaken again…
People always talk about the love you have for your children. How you just can’t imagine what your heart will feel and what you will go through to protect them. This is all very true. A love you can’t know till you know.
But no one prepared me for how much more I would love YOU. How my heart would feel watching you parent our children so well. Knowing that no one loves our babies quite like you and I do. Four little people, created by God, half me and half you. I never knew how much closer and more tightly bonded I would feel to you. The pure joy I would experience in seeing you pray over our babies and train them up in the Lord.
I know you get the last of me these days. I recognize it. You come home and I’m exhausted. Out of patience. Short tempered. You take the brunt of all my stress. Often you get the worst of me. It shouldn’t be that way. I do this mom and wife thing far from perfectly. But I need you to know that you’re still my favorite. I’m still that 19 year old girl that was giddy every time I saw you at what was once Gainesville College. My heart is still yours. Even more than I ever thought it could be.
One day our babies will be grown. We will eat meals together and catch up on our day uninterrupted. We’ll even sleep in again. Maybe even watch a movie and not fall asleep the first 20 minutes in. It will be great and weird and sad. And I’ll still be right here when you come home…. Loving you no doubt even more still than I can fathom years on down the road with more life lived and learned together under our belt. In the meantime, pray for me as I try to love you better and give you the best of me, instead of what’s leftover. And promise me you’ll always remember you’re still my favorite.