Several years ago, I found myself in a terrible place. I was struggling unreal spiritually. I knew that I was doubting where I stood with God…Just couldn’t find peace. Around that same time, and in the midst of all that difficulty, I found out I was pregnant. We’d been trying for months. I was overjoyed.
A couple months later at my next check up, I found out I lost that baby. I would be hugely understating what I felt by merely saying this loss was tough on me. In hindsight I recognize I didn’t cope with my grief in a healthy way because I had no Godly peace. I wasn’t in a good place. I felt no comfort from the Lord.
Oh, I talked the talk. Told everyone it was God’s plan. (I even tried telling myself that). That I was okay. People poured all kinds of love out on me; Sent me a tree to plant, flowers, cards of sympathy, and brought me food. We’re praying for you, they all said. But I wasn’t praying for myself.
Pretty soon I unknowingly became so angry at God that I didn’t care to seek where I stood with Him anymore. I stopped trying. Stopped caring. It’s scary for me to even type out what I know I felt. And so very humbling to know God is THAT abundantly forgiving and merciful, that despite knowing my deepest thoughts towards him, he STILL lovingly called me back.
Have you ever moved away from God??? I ask it in this manner you see, because He doesn’t move away from us. We move away from HIM. (To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgiveness, though we have rebelled against him. Daniel 9: 9).
It wasn’t long till I found myself completely turned against Him. Out in sin. No longer caring about anything. Even myself. This has become a time in my life that I’m extremely ashamed of. A time and harsh memories that Satan likes to throw at me often in efforts to cause me to stumble.
But thankfully, it’s evident all through his word how patient God is with his people. His arms open. Like the precious story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15: 11-32). Waiting for us to return to Him. Gently beckoning us home. Friend, please don’t hesitate to go back to God. If you’ve walked away like I did, don’t think that your sin is too big or that you’ve gone too far. He will ALWAYS be ready to forgive and welcome you back into His loving arms. For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee. Psalm 86: 5.
You see, the Lord can give us the strength we lack to set our sin aside and return to him. He’s not like us. His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts (Isaiah 55: 8,9). We keep score. He wipes our slate clean. He looks on the heart. He has such compassion for us…even more than we could ever fathom having towards our own children. There is no true peace without Him.
You may think He could never forgive you. But that’s only the tempter whispering lies to keep you from restoring your relationship with the Lord. Don’t listen. Return to him. I’ve been there. I can first hand promise you there’s nowhere you’d rather find yourself, than in His presence, His will, His loving and forgiving arms. Just Return to Him.