I stumbled across this photo yesterday while uploading and storing data from my phone. This picture–It’s precious to me for a lot of reasons. It draws me back into a time that was very difficult for me. I was physically and emotionally depleted.
My high risk pregnancy was a tug-of-war of worries and googling all the things that could/do go wrong in twin pregnancy and births. When the time came, delivery was traumatic and the recovery slow.
Though I was unreal thankful God allowed the three of us to come through the birth safely, I was no less in the middle of the hardest time period I’ve been through to date. I felt disconnected from everyone. A heavy weight of guilt burdened me daily as I felt stretched between my big kids and my babies. I was certain I wasn’t HALF the Mama I should be to any of my children.
Most days I was just trying to figure out how to get through one 24 hour period at a time. I beat myself up a lot. Felt I was hanging by a thread. Secretly questioning myself on how much longer I could make it on so little sleep.
It’s funny how scrolling through social media can make us feel less than. How it can cause motherhood to appear so easy…But nobody posts the hard moments. The times we are losing our patience, the kids are screaming at each other, and we just stress ate an entire box of cookies.
We’ve all been exhausted and felt defeated in this often thankless job we call motherhood. I dare say we’ve all at some point scrolled on social media and experienced envy or compared ourselves to another Mama and felt inferior.
My dear Mama friend…if you’re going through a season of struggle, please know that you are not alone, and it WILL get better. And you are so very loved — not because of what you do or how you do it. But because of who you are. You are a child of God; created perfectly in His image. The care and concern you have for your children, HE entrusted to you.
All those imperfections you worry about, the moments you feel like you fail your kids, the guilt and the wondering if you’re doing what’s best for them….God knows. He knows all of it. All of your thoughts. He never asks us for perfection. He simply asks for you– your heart, soul, mind and yes, also your children. Give him those things. All of them. Trust Him to make good what you can’t.
He sees you trying. Fumbling and falling and getting back up. And just as we cheer for our babies when they take their first steps, he’s there cheering us on as His children. He knows what it takes to get back up and take another step. And like us, He is proud.
He knows the heavy burdens on our hearts, and he has not abandoned us…Though others might. Turn to Him. Beg Him to guide you and be your comfort. And He will. Listen closely as you seek. I’m praying for you today, Mama. Praying that you’ll experience God’s love and peace in a way that transforms and forever changes you.
Of course looking back I can see that a lot of what I felt was valid. Caring for twins plus two toddlers isn’t easy. But in that season, I couldn’t find the clarity. I was waving a red flag to myself, but I couldn’t see it. It took me recognizing that I couldn’t gloss over my need for help to see through clear eyes that I needed to stop trying to carry and do it all alone.
I share my journey and my thoughts with the utmost humility, and for no other reason than to be an encourager to other Mamas who might be going through a similar time. I’d hit restart and jump back to day one to do it all again 100 times over for these baby girls.
I get it. Trust me. A full plate can sometimes make a heavy heart.
The beautiful thing about the Lord is that He is just waiting for you to stop going your own way and enjoy the special relationship made available to you through the sacrifice of Jesus. THAT is where your help lies. Allow that to ENCOURAGE and bring hope to your weary Mama heart.
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Growing in Grace 