Five years with my Hazel Kate.
One whole hand.
Just a few short months away from a kindergartener.
Every second of my time with this girl is like a grain of sand. And I’m holding onto this small handful for dear life, trying desperately not to lose another granule, all the while watching it helplessly slip through my fingers.
This girl is my heart. My treasure. My little sidekick.
Her personality is as wild as her hair. She is brave and tenderhearted. Stubborn, determined, and unmovable. She’s smart, hilarious, and loyal; emotional, sensitive, and wears her heart on her sleeve. She is hard. Some days I have to remind myself that her fierce determination will one day be channeled into velvet strength.
Her pride gets the best of her sometimes. It often makes her struggle with being corrected. She tries to find ways to stand her ground while simultaneously submitting to obedience.
She’s strong in the ways that matter; Capable of making the hard choices and pushing through things that are difficult. And although she puts on a good show, she has a fragile heart.
It is possible for my girl to be every single one of those things all at once. And I love every unique and distinct part of her.
She’s gonna be a strong christian woman one day. And as hard as that is in a five year old, it isn’t something I would wanna change about her. All these powerful traits are going to serve her well in adulthood. Sometimes they may get her into trouble, as they do now. But it’s my job and privilege to show her the traits that are admirable, and the traits we need to reign in and keep control over. God trusted me to mold her in this way, and for that I’m thankful.
I’m not a perfect Mama by any stretch of the imagination. My goal is to become the kind of mother my Mama was (and still is) to me and my sisters growing up. She sacrificed a lot to be home with us. Always putting herself last. She could have had nicer clothes, a better car, more vacations…We always had what we needed and a lot of what we wanted. It was plenty. An extravagant lifestyle wasn’t her priority: We were. More than anything I want my children to know this. That they are my priority. Not my hobby, but a calling. The message I want to send them is the same one my Mama sent us; I am present. I am invested. There is nothing more important to me than our family.
I hope you read this one day, Hazie…and when you do, I hope you can feel how much I love you.
My baby girl, you are unconditionally loved. I believe you are capable of great and amazing things. Things that only someone as determined and resolute as you are can accomplish. I pray that one day, as our Mother/daughter relationship evolves into a friendship, that I can be there to offer you a few sips of cold water as you run your spiritual race; that I’m always able to share with you gospel encouragement.
Remember my girl…when the world says, “look this way to be beautiful,” the Bible says, “your beauty should not come from outward adornment, rather, it should be that of your inner self; the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3: 3-4).
I desperately want to show you how to be IN the world, without being OF the world. How to consistently follow God’s word without fear of losing friends or being viewed negatively. I want to show you that God’s formula is the only one that works: your worth always equals who you are in Jesus.
I hope I can instill in you the importance of prayer. To teach you how to listen to God instead of just talk to Him. I pray you won’t mold your faith to fit your life, but rather mold your life to fit your faith.
Always do what others won’t, my girl. Honor others above yourself. Display a servants heart when you are in a position of authority, and also in the mundane of everyday life. Walk that extra mile. Do that extra thing…Say that extra kind word.
In me you will always have a safe place. A soft spot to fall. This is five baby girl. I wouldn’t stop it for the world. But I sure wouldn’t mind hitting pause.
Well behaved women seldom make history. -Eleanor Roosevelt.